FML...

Why why why do I feel this way. Honestly, it's fuckign pathetic. It's been what... a week since I met her, yet I already feel a deep attraction for her and I fuckign hate this.

This isn't high school

This isn't jr. high

and it sure isn't the drugs, because the only "drug" I ingest is alcohol, and I haven't done that for a while until tonight. And tonight it's half a glass of Jager straight, plus a little ice to keep it cold.

Seriously though, what the fuck is my deal? I shouldn't feel like this. It's driving me crazy, this buzzy feeling in my head (not head in my feeling as I was originally going to type).

I've been separated from my so-called wife since the end of January. I'm finally trying to get out there into the game and scene again, and I was thinking that I found somebody again. Maybe it's just me being a fucktard and her having a totally "irritating" day as she put it, but I can't help but wonder if she even does feel remotely the same about me. Which I guess is normal, but... I just recently met her. Which is why, for the most part I'm trying to be careful about this. I keep seemign to be hung up on her having a 2 y/o but honestly it doesn't matter. Why should it matter? My step-dad has been in my life since I was 7, granted my parents were only dating at that point in time, he's been there as a father figure for the great vast majority of my life. I'm sure this has somehting to do with me falling for her, you know? Like "step-father" like son, eh? Only he's not as old as I was lol

I think it's love, but I can't be sure this early. I want it to be, but honestly I want to enjoy being single, too. Yet here I am, trying to get into another relationship. I love the way her lips feel agaisnt mine, the way my nails feel against her skin as well as my teeth grazing her flesh. She drives me crazy and makes me miss her, and I'm sure she doesn't even try. Why have I fallen so hard so fucking fast?

I just want things to make sense to me. I want to be able to deal with these emotions in a more stable manner, as opposed to drinking them into submission when I'm feeling overtly bummed at her not talking to me as much as I"d like her to do, you know? I don't know, I just think I'm starting to sound fucking pathetic as shit...

Ugh, fuck my love life...