Hollow Soul

I don't update this often. Usually my updates are reserved for my journal on deviantART because, well... it's easier to include this shit there. But I can't be as free with my speech there anymore, like I can here. Reason being: Nobody knows of this blog's existence. And if anybody finds out, well then fuck it. Cat's out of the bag, huh?

So in case no body's been following along, and I'm sure that is the case. I met a girl. Christina. Not really a girl, but a woman. With a job, a kid, the most amazing body I've ever been inside. The works, right? Well things aren't looking so great for a relationship between us, and so in commemoration of said event I wrote a small poem.

This being that poem:

This hollowness I feel inside
Can never be rivaled by what you brought alive
Bitter pain I won't understand
Or allow you to explain

What we may have had
To me felt so divine
To crush it up in a little ball
And throw it all away
Remains a mystery to me
Through this very day

I gave you all that I had inside
Despite this empty shell that I call home
It wasn't enough to hold you here
Which is why you ran away...

Ran away from the man who loved you
Spent more than his soul could afford to
Make you happy
And in return all you know to do is fade away
Just fade away...

Now here I sit reminiscing
About my broken past
Looking through my own reflection
Will I find a love that lasts

Every love that I've ever had
Won't stand beside their man...

Now, I have a disclaimer that this isn't really about anybody in particular, and it isn't. I have a tendency to choose women that just aren't 100% compatible with me. I'm almost looking for help in the romance department, but not just yet. I'm going to give it more time before I try and get out there again.

The hardest thing to do for me is approach a woman. Getting their information afterwards is second nature to me, but still... It's the whole getting your foot in the door thing that takes me so fucking long to do. I need to get over it, but then there's the looking like an ass... the pick up lines... the buying of drinks... ugh. Fuck me. I hate the game.

What will be the icing on the cake is that, now I'm an ordained minister, I'll be the one to wed off my ex-wife. That'll be REALLY fucked and twisted, eh?

Yeah, fml.