3.42

We are who we are...

So here it is, and I think I'm crazy. It's 3:30 and I'm missing you, missing her. Whomever I am typing this to I'm missing you, unless I'm typing it in thought then it's her. Confused? Good, I like it that way...

Felicia gave me her keyboard and I cannot be more excited/intimidated/confused/overjoyed/frustrated/awestruck. Just looking at the number of keys on this thing overwhelms me. I'm so used to 4/6 strings, four fingers and a pick. Hell, I'm more used to playing drums than keyboards. My last keyboard I got rid of because I never used it more than occasionally, but I was around 4 or so. I wrote my very first song on that thing, and it was literally a funeral march/dirge. A taste of the future I suppose, eh? After all I fell in love with death and black metal, and plan on going to school for funeral services. To become a mortician. I'd love to go to school for music production but that doesn't seem feasible right now, and I'd most likely do nothing with that education except for further my own musical... needs.

As far as jobs go, I'm still unemployed but working on taking care of that. I probably screwed myself out of unemployment but whatever, like I said: I plan on going back to school.

...

It's 3:33 am. 34 minutes, now, into the "witching hour." That magical hour where I do my best writing, whether it's about death, the future, the lost cause that my soul seems to be, etc. Whatever my heart desires. However right now it desires one thing, and that is to be with Felicia. I don't know, things just seem right with her. I'm not worried about things, too much at least. One of those "The Beatles were right" moments, even though I know that a sad fact of this reality is that you need more than just love to make it through life. If that weren't the case then I'd be the happiest man alive.

I don't care that she dated my best friend for 7 ish years. When it comes down to it, if she were the last woman on earth I would still be with her. Facts are facts and everything else is just social stigma, the whole "bros before hoes" bullshit. I mean, sure, there's honor amongst thieves, but there's also the saying that "all is fair in love and war." I tend to side with that more, because it applies to so much.

...

As I sit here still, breaking this entry up into segments for no apparent reason, I look at the keyboard again. That gives me the guitar, the keyboard, the "drums," and the voice to make music with. I'm a full band again, just by myself. Adding keys to my music I can go so many other directions once more. It's a nice feeling, and I'm just glad that I can actually plink things out in proper order and not just try and fail at arranging guitar music for a keyboard. It makes it easier to compliment my work that way.

...

I love her because she has common interests with me. I love her for how I feel around her. I love her because she's always made me laugh, she makes me smile. I can be myself around her, and those that matter most to me like her or get along with her. It's amazing to have somebody that my family actually likes.

I love her because, as I said, when I'm with her it all seems to be right. I love her because she gave me a reason to stay.

I love her because she is amazing.