Parking lot, after tugging at Dan and Sierra to leave a situation that was only going to escalate. Stupid drunk fan, being stupid. Tail between his legs, apologizing as we leave to go to the car.
Parking lot nightmare to get out of, wait at car, drink beer we bought before show. Talk about how wanted Lani back once, Dan's advice "cut all ties"
Listening to Dan's music from car stereo, still in parking lot, still waiting. Discussing future plans together as band mates, prospectively. Slaps me on shoulder "You're playing your first show this year, buddy"
FAST FORWARD TO SUNDAY AFTERNOON
Dan talking about dream he had of ex gf, telling her to fuck off.
Talking about how having those dreams is a good sign.... Better off w.o her...
MONDAY NIGHT
He left Sierra... for his ex...
Selfish thought of the night: There goes my jam session, there goes my chances of playing music with somebody... there goes fucking everything.
The universe seems to be throwing a choice at me... another road of Duality... Led by the hand down a path of insanity, musical collaboration of frindship devotion... honor and trust are here at stake...
I cannot choose like that again. Learned if I play with fire I'm going ot get burned. That is what happened the last time.
I refuse to choose between her and anything else, even if it's my own "career" as a musician. Simply fucking refuse.
There went the best band mate I never had... looks like I'm not meant to play music in a band after all...
Use this for inspiration... Fuel for hatred, for all mankind...
WE are weak
We are feeble
We are pleasure seeking idiots...
God has a plan? The Christian God has a plan? How the FUCK does this fit into the grand universal scheme and balance of things?!
Put me in a hole for shelter
I have never felt so final...
You all stare but you'll never see
There's something inside me...
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