Going good?

The mirror cracks are all I have left...

So today I gave my ex-wife the remnants of her stuff that I have. A shirt, two hoodies, and nothing else really... It's also the first time I'd seen her since January. She looks really good... I mean, shes lost the weight she gained while she was with me, so she looks really good. How I remember her looking after she got fired from ACS. Trust me, she looked really good then, too...

Today I think that was one of the dumbest things I could have done. I just wanted to get her to spend some time with me, but it was impossible. I had to hang around her and her room mates, and watch one of them eye her. I don't know honestly if it's 100% healthy for me to be around her. I can be friends, sure... but if I can't at least spend some "alone time" with her, like I do any of my other friends, then... Really I'm not getting shit out of this friendship at that point. And I'm not talking FWB either, I'm just talking "relationship fulfilment. I.E. my best friend and I go to the gym. We spend time together five nights a week and that's it. That's what I mean by alone time...

Though I'd like to get some real alone time with her anyway hahaha

Anyway, this little event is inspiring a new song already... so I should have it done by tomorrow. RE5 with my stepdad, and then gym later tonight. I've already gotten my cardio workout in for the day, other than that it's all upper body tonight.

FML

So I just realized that NIN isn't going to be touring (at least not for quite some time) after this year.

I always seem to choose the best time to get into bands and groups, because sooner or later something will happen. Either a band member gets murdered (Pantera/Damageplan guitarist Dimebag Darrell, RIP Brother Dime) or now with NIN, which I'm getting REacquainted with. I first got into Nine Inch Nails back in highschool, when my buddy Matt burned me ten CDs for free. Pretty Hate Machine was one of those albums. It just wasn't enough to hook me...

Then I bought [With Teeth] and thought it was a pretty good album. One of my favorite tracks on Rock Band is The Hand That Feeds. I score fairly high vocally on that song, which is always a nice thing for me.

I head one track of Year Zero, and thought to myself "What happened to Trent?" becuase I just wasn't feeling it like I was THTF. I'm going to pick up YZ later this year though, seeing as I'm on a HUGE kick right now.

The kick started when I downloaded last years album, The Slip, off of the NIN site. I enjoyed the first two tracks, but couldn't get into a song until I landed on "Lights in the Sky" which, three hours later, I had recorded an acoustic cover of. Enjoyable process, and I keep trying to fix my vocals. That's not going to happen, though. I hate my voice...

Anyway, for the last two days I've been doing nothing but listening to the first disc of Ghosts. This is another album I missed last year that I'm thinking I should have picked up.

The irony here, as I had mentioned in the first sentence, is that it looks like I won't be seeing NIN live, in person, any time... soon or ever. The closest shows still happening this year are in Cali. Sometimes I honestly hate fucking living in Oregon... all the good shit passes us by...

Fuck my life...

Lacking in the Inspiration Department...

I haven't had much inspiration lately...

Usually I'm writing constantly. Poetry, lyrics, music... Even prose in general. I'm at a bit of a wall, and I'd like to do to it what was eventually done to the Berlin Wall... tear it down, Mr. Gorbachev. Honestly, that's what I want to happen. I just don't foresee that happening for quite some time.

Reason?

Most of my work this year has revolved around the pain, anger, bitterness, and shock and hatred of my divorce proceedings since the start of the year. I've written a lot about it. Mostly in the form of angry "emails" to my ex-wife, but that never really was enough for me. I started writing a song called Vampyre Kvnt, and never got past the first few verses and then the breakdown section at the end of the song, lyrically. I've written a few songs, sans lyrics, lately... It's becoming a problem to me.

Internal writer's block...

Not something I like dealing with...

I need to find a source of never ending inspiration. I need to find it and fast, because there's only so much one can write about not being able to write.

HOWEVER, it's my firm belief, along with countless hundreds of thousands of other people that art is simple and formulaic. Art = Suffering. Without pain, there is no art. With out art, well... life is pretty damn boring. Everyone who has had an ounce of suffering in their life, as far as I'm concerned, has released it through some form of art. Drawing, painting, writing, music... All art draws from suffering. The best kind anyway.

I need to figure out why being civil with my ex-wife has caused me to stop writing... There has to be something in this world that I feel passionately enough about that I can write all my aggression towards that... something that isn't religion.

Another new home...

Apparently I had this set up all along... weird how that happens. Must've been from when I created my GMail account... whatever..

I guess I need to start out with the obligatory introductory entry to get things rolling, so... I'll go into my bio now...

My name is Geoff, and I hail from Oregon. I'm a native Oregonian, basically means I was born here... though there is a small percentage of native in my bloodline, as to which tribe I'm not 100% sure.

I'm a writer, a poet/lyricist. I'm a musician, guitarist primarily. I play a little bass, can program a drum machine, and I sing... err... scream, that is. Yes, I'm THAT kind of musician. I play what I classify as Blackened Death Grind, which basically there are elements of Black Metal, Death Metal, and Grindcore in my playing and music in general. It's more raw elements as opposed to technical, though I one day hope to be able to shred with the best of them. You can check out my music in two locations. The first is www.myspace.com/geoffcannon and the second is www.myspace.com/anathemablack which is the name of my current one-man-band project. Of sorts.

I enjoy video games, more as a recreational thing than a sport as some people make it out to be. You can usually find me on, right now, Halo 3 or Left 4 Dead under the gamertag Althaeda. Hit me up, I'm usually open for a game or two, but don't expect me to add you as a friend just because you stomped my ass in SWATgun. I don't roll that way, playa don't play.

I'm a bit odd, but you'll find out more about that in future postings...

At this time in my life I"m going through the divorce process. I was married to Filanthi Theoharis on July 26th, 2008 and we've been separated since roughly January 23rd, 2009. Aye, that's nearly six months, however divorce papers have yet to be finalized and I'll be damn sure to write a blog celebrating that little victory of mine. To finally be free again!!! Oh how divine...

Thank the gods we didn't have children, or I"d be stuck owing child support... with no job. Yeah, Oregon's FUCKED up like that, but whatever...

Oh, and I'm Agnostic. It's not that important to me, because I don't feel that "label" truly defines who and what I am when it comes to my belief system, but it's the closest fit I have. I do NOT believe in an all powerful deity, or any number of combinations. I believe that gods were thought up by man so he could seem more important than the "lesser" creatures in the world, i.e. animals.

Right now that's all I can think of saying... I may or may not update this account regularly, often, or hell, even at all.

That is all...